LAUGHING AT THE WORLD

Well Long Beach was interesting...lets just leave it at that. Lol. I did have fun with the girls...the boys on the other hand were a little interesting...haha. But one good thing happened at convention..i got to see Jonathan....*sigh* My personal clark kent...lol. We didn't sleep at all I prolly got 3 hours each night...when i got home Sunday I took an hour nap then did hw...went over to Amanda's house where we were suppose to study but never made it that far..hehe we always say we are goin to sudy but we never actually do it. Instead we made a face mask with avacados, bananas, oatmeal and honey...your suppose to blend it but we were way to lazy for that so instead we just mushed it and so the end result was huge chunks of avocados and bananas on our face...we looked so ridiculously funny. So now my skin is smooth like a baby's bottom hehe. Yah and the Talent show is coming up this Saturday....Tammy, Kelly and I haven't actually practiced yet...uh....haha definetly have to do that sometime.

For the most part life is goin good rite now...I don't have anything deep or meaningful to say today..i'm sorry...I'm just so tired my brain really can't function. So I'm gonna go now cuz otherwise i"ll start to ramble and it won't make any sense and then you'll think I'm weirder than you already do and then you won't be my friend anymore, not that i do have many friends anyway (jk!) and then i'll be really sad and then i'll have to move to Mongolia so i can marry alot of men to make me happy again and then once I have all my men I'll adopt kids from Africa and have all my husbands will take care of them while I have other hott men fan me and feed me grapes like Greek style and I'll hire a personal band who will sing for me all the time......Ok Ok i know I'm leaving now.....

Linzie

Hey I haven't written in a while so while i am sitting here waiting for my laundry to dry (yes it is 10 o'clock at night) I thought I'd write an entry. Well my life has definetly been interesting in the past few weeks. This coming weekend I'm going Long Beach for the Key Club Convention (gonna party it up with the AZNS- Hell yah!) Tomorrow Tams and i are missing 2 and 3 period for mediations and then on Monday we have another mediation....gosh ppl are getting in soo many fights now..i wonder why? In May I could have gone to Mongolia but frickin GAP stopped me. Man i could have married 5 guys by then and they could have supported me and i wouldnt have to go to college. Oh well i guess I can't have everything in life.....

Do you ever feel like your in a middle of a crowd...everyone is rushing around u but u stay still? Like your in the inside lookin out? I've been feeling like that a lot lately...Amanda and I have been talkin and we both feel lonely...like in the Fredrick Douglass excerpt from English...we're among a crowd of thousands but we still feel lonely...I don't why exactly i feel lonely...maybe bc like i said before i don't fit in anymore here...I'm ready to move on to be with ppl who have the same interests, ppl who want to help the world like i do..

~Linzie

Wow I was reading over my last entry and i was really harsh....hahaha....well I'm not sorry for what I said bc I think its all true. Its weird but ever since I got back from Africa I have a new found perspective about myself....i am not afraid to say whats on my mind, I'm not afraid to say what I feel. I've lost that bashfulness, scaredness that sooo many teenagers have. I don't why I have changed...maybe bc of all the things I had to do on my own in Africa. Africa forced me into becoming a business woman, into becoming an Adult. No longer do i fret over boys and if they like me or not, no longer do i care what opinions people have me bc of my actions....i have taken ppl for face value..if you like me you like me, if you don't, you don't. Thats your opinion of me and I respect you all the same. I have always to some degree seen the foolishness of high school....but after Africa I see it on a whole new level. I see alot of the immaturity students have, just the childishness they seem to have hung on to and I know they will outgrow it, but the thing is, is that I'm the one who can't go back to being a child...I am the one stuck in high school. I have found my passion, i have found what i am good at, I'm ready to go out into the world and start to change it for the better but I can't....i have to go to high school everyday. High school is preparing you for college, helping you to find your passion, your voice....but I've already found it! I'm ready! When I was in Oakland working with the Northern Lights School it felt so good to be back....it felt so good knowin i was makin a difference in the world. Its so fustrating to be back here.

Plus I feel I don't belong anywhere....well maybe bc i don't. I don't fit in high school, its hard to fit in with friends again, and i don't fit in at home. My father quite bluntly told me that my parents were alot happier when I wasn't there, that I have to act like I'm a guest in their house bc basically I am, and that when i take my gap year I can't live with them. So yah basically don't fit in anywhere...i feel more comfortable on a plane or in an airport than I do here. And it sucks that my best friend lives across the country.  Oh well...I am strong.....I can do anything through Christ plus I shouldn't even be complaining...at least I have a roof over my head (for now), food in my stomach and running water.

~Lindsey 

Ok this really bugs me....ppl's profiles about love at first sight, broken hearts, or unrequited love...I mean geez does the world need to know?? And when I read things like that I just have pity for that person...does your life really revolve around another person that you'll probably not like in a couple of months? Ppl get so emo over things like that they just sit and wallow in self-pity. I mean come on ppl! If you like someone tell them, it doesn't make the situation any better to not do anything! If you have a broken heart don't sit and drown in self-pity...pick yourself up...(however I do think you need time to get over the person) but dont put how depressed u are on your profile cuz that just makes you even more depressed. And as for the unrequited love thing....move on! Come on ppl we are in high school....by the way you go on about things you would think that this was life or death. This is NOT LIFE OR DEATH!! I have met ppl who really are on the verge of life and death bc of malaria, AIDS,  no water, bad sanitary conditions.....ppl u need to realize what you are living in is not reality...high school is not reality...its a cushioned world your parents put u in. But don't feel pity for the ppl in Africa...don't make them vicitims bc they are not...they are strong ppl, they have a sense of morals and convictions that go beyond American society. We are the victims...victims of our own charity.

High school makes me sick...the social games we play, the drama, the gossip...for once say what you mean! Say what you feel! Stop putting on acts! Stop being superficial! Stop trying to be something your not!

Have a nice day =)

Lindsey